Thursday, May 22, 2014

On NOT feeling beautiful....

"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."-Confucius

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched-they must be felt with the heart."-Helen Keller

"The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years."-Audrey Hepburn

Beauty. The definition varies from person to person. The places, people and things that we find beautiful vary greatly from person to person. So, why does there seem to be such an obsession with what is beautiful? Women in particular fall into this trap most easily. So many of us link our self worth to how beautiful we are perceived to be by others.

I am guilty of this myself. There are very few times in my life that I have felt beautiful. My family tried to bolster my self esteem. They tried to help me realize that there was something beautiful about me. But, I couldn't or maybe wouldn't see it. I let the opinions and perceptions of others drive how I felt about myself. I let the taunting and whispers of my peers bore into my heart and soul. Sometimes I tried to "fit in", only to be mocked and sneered at for my efforts. Most of the time I didn't try- I still felt the sting of their comments but I tried to act like I didn't care. And so I never really felt accepted and beautiful.

Even when I fell in love with my husband and had my children. Even after all the times they have told me I am beautiful. I never let myself believe it could be true that anyone would see me that way.

So how do I change my perspective? How do I look past all of my perceived flaws and focus on the things that are positive? I don't really know. I want to. I want to be a confident person. I want to feel better about myself. I want to believe the people who tell me I am beautiful. I just don't know how to accomplish this feat.

Sometimes I think: If I just lose weight- I will feel beautiful. If I had better hair- I will feel beautiful. If I dressed fashionably- I will feel beautiful. Then I realize, all of that may make me more attractive to others but is it "true beauty"? Or is it just a mask presented to the world in order to try and "fit in".

So, will I ever really feel beautiful? I don't know. History tells me that I will always struggle with the way I see myself. I can only hope that somehow the beauty I want others to see will shine through in more important ways. I hope that people will see beauty in the family I have raised. In the marriage I am so proud to be a part of. In the things I try to do for others. In the art I enjoy creating.

And maybe someday I will feel really beautiful.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."-Miss Piggy, The Muppets.

1 comment:

Katherine Ronachert said...

OK, I love Miss Piggy's quote... :) I may have to steal it.